I was in the World Trade Center when I was told the news my grandmother had died. It was late on a Friday afternoon. I was flying out to London a few hours later. All day I had felt strange. I had blamed it on seeing Aphex Twin the night before, but maybe it was some other energy in the air. I do feel sometimes you can feel when the people you love are leaving the earth.

We had said our goodbyes a week prior. I knew when we left I wouldn’t see her again. And I’m still having a difficult time processing that fact. But she didn’t want a big funeral – she just wanted to be surrounded by people she loved. And she got that wish.

In London, unable to sleep, I often wander to Soho, to my favorite place to cannolis. The ones I love have a hard, sweet shell and are dusted with sugar. Inside is its ricotta mascarpone filling, tastes of love.

All the women in my family love cannolis. So I went out and had one in honor of my grandmother last night.

It was a private tribute to a woman that always inspired me to keep moving, work hard, look forward and be positive while always criticizing everything. She was a complicated human, and you could say that about most, but she was probably more complicated than many. I will have to piece together her biography for the future but I’m not at peace to do that yet. And sometimes all we can do is just eat a beautiful pastry, wander through cities and weep a bit.

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